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Why can’t I just start? Planning, focus and executive function, without the shame

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If you only have a minute: knowing what to do and being able to start are different things. Planning, starting and remembering all take a kind of effort that drops when we’re stressed, tired or overloaded. “Try harder” doesn’t show us which part needs support. A better question is: which bit is hard?

You know the email needs answering. You want to answer it. You’ve thought about it four times today. And still, somehow, it isn’t written.

You might recognise that. Or you might recognise the teenager who remembers their school bag but keeps forgetting what goes inside it.

This post is part of our How I’m Wired series. It looks at planning, starting, time and memory: why they can be hard, why that isn’t a character flaw, and what can make things a little easier.

What is executive function?

Executive function is a name for the mental skills we use to organise and manage what we’re trying to do.

Psychologist Adele Diamond describes three core ones: holding back an impulse or a distraction, holding information in mind while you work with it, and switching flexibly when things change. Planning, problem-solving and reasoning are built on top of those.

In everyday language, someone can know what needs doing and still need help getting started, putting the steps in order, remembering them, or moving from one activity to another.

Why can’t I start tasks, even ones I want to do?

Because knowing the task isn’t enough. Starting is its own step, and it takes energy.

An adult may fully intend to answer a message, get pulled into another task, and lose track of time. A child may be able to put on each item of clothing, but struggle to organise the whole getting-ready routine.

Sometimes the task is too big or too vague to have a clear first move. Sometimes there are too many first moves. Sometimes fear of getting it wrong is sitting on top. And sometimes there simply isn’t enough left in the tank.

Is it laziness or executive dysfunction?

Laziness suggests you could and don’t care to. That isn’t what most people describe. They describe wanting to, and feeling stuck.

“Try harder” or “Just get dressed, we’re late” doesn’t show us which part needs support. A more useful question might be: Is starting difficult? Can you find what you need? Do you know what the first step is?

A word of balance. “Executive dysfunction” is a helpful description, but it isn’t a diagnosis in itself. And understanding the difficulty doesn’t remove the need for a responsibility to be reliably covered. In a shared home, one person may be overwhelmed and need support with organising or getting started, while the other is exhausted from picking up unfinished tasks. We need room for both experiences.

Why can I do it one day and not the next?

Because these skills depend on the state we’re in.

Neuroscientist Amy Arnsten’s research shows the part of the brain that supports planning and focus is the most sensitive to stress. Even quite mild stress that we can’t control can cause a rapid drop in those abilities. Adele Diamond’s review adds that stress, lack of sleep, loneliness and lack of exercise each get in the way of executive function.

So a strategy can work beautifully on a calm Tuesday and fall apart on a frazzled Thursday. You haven’t lost the skill. The conditions changed.

Travelling is a good example for me. I’m trying to get the right train, listen to instructions and do the travelling itself, all at the same time. And part of my attention is being pulled into everything around me. That’s a lot of plates to keep spinning, and it explains why I can arrive somewhere already tired.

In Glad We Talked®, we call this energy maths: comparing what a situation asks of us with what we have available to manage it, including energy, attention, time, recovery, resources and support. There’s no exact calculation to get right.

Is it ADHD, or something else?

It could be several things, and only an assessment can say.

Differences in executive function are part of ADHD, and common for autistic, dyslexic and dyspraxic people too. But the same difficulties can show up with depression, anxiety, burnout, grief, poor sleep, chronic illness, menopause, or simply too much to carry.

If this has been with you since childhood and affects many parts of life, it may be worth talking to your GP. If it’s new or has changed suddenly, that’s worth mentioning to a GP too.

You don’t have to wait for a diagnosis before taking a difficulty seriously.

What actually helps?

Support should fit the person. An elaborate system can become another task if it takes too much effort to use.

Some small things to try:

  • Make the immediate task smaller. Begin with one clear action. Not “sort the paperwork”, just “open the envelope”.
  • Use fewer, clearer words, with yourself and others. One clear message, then time.
  • Do the first step together. “I can help with the first bit.”
  • Give things a consistent place, and use a short checklist or a reminder you’ll actually see.
  • Prepare for transitions. Stopping abruptly is harder than knowing when the next stopping point will be.
  • Change the plan when the plan isn’t working. Repeating the same demand doesn’t make it easier.

Helping now and changing the routine for next time do different jobs. We may need both.

You can use our three prompts on one stuck moment:

  1. What is actually happening?
  2. What might be contributing? In other words, what could be making this moment harder?
  3. What could help?

Then return to it. What changed, and what still needs support?

Does body doubling work?

Body doubling means doing a task while someone else is nearby, in the room or on a video call. Many people with ADHD say it helps them start and stay with a task.

The research is still thin. Clinicians point out there isn’t extensive research on body doubling itself, although the wider idea behind it, using something outside yourself to help with motivation, is long established in ADHD support. A 2025 research paper described the evidence so far as mixed.

So treat it as a low-cost experiment. If working alongside a friend, or in a library or café, helps you, that’s worth knowing about yourself.

How this connects to How I’m Wired

Planning & Focus is one of 10 sections in How I’m Wired, our free strengths and needs reflection tool for adults. It looks at how you plan, organise, start tasks and manage time, including focus and memory. It isn’t a diagnosis, and there are no right or wrong answers.

For more on why capacity shifts, see Why can I cope one week and not the next? Our Neurosloth® trait cards include Organisation, Time, Hyperfocus and Day Dreamer.

Try this section of How I’m Wired for free

Frequently asked questions

What is executive function?

The mental skills we use to organise and manage what we’re doing: holding back impulses, holding information in mind, and switching flexibly. Planning and problem-solving build on them.

Why can’t I start a task I want to do?

Starting is a separate step from knowing what to do, and it takes energy. A task that’s too big, too vague, or loaded with worry is harder to begin, especially when you’re tired or stressed.

Is executive dysfunction the same as laziness?

No. People usually describe wanting to act and feeling stuck, which is different from not caring.

Does stress make executive function worse?

Yes. Research shows the brain areas behind planning and focus are especially sensitive to stress, and that poor sleep and loneliness affect them too.

Does body doubling work for ADHD?

Many people find it helps, but direct research is limited. It’s a low-cost thing to try and see.

Sources

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About the author

: Creative Health Innovator & Artist Practitioner, Trainer and Educator, BACP Accredited Counsellor and founder of Glad We Talked®.

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