How to Get the Most Out of Therapy
In short: You get the most out of therapy by being as honest as you can, letting your goals change, noticing what happens between sessions, and telling your therapist what is and isn't helping. You don't need to be a "good client". Therapy works best when it fits you, not the other way round.
Do I need to know what I want from therapy?
No, but a rough idea helps. It might be "I want to feel less anxious", or "I want to understand why I keep ending up in the same place".
Goals often shift once we start. That's a sign of progress, not failure. We'll check in on them together from time to time.
How honest do I need to be?
As honest as feels safe, and a little more as trust grows.
That includes honesty about therapy itself. If something I said didn't sit right, or you're finding sessions hard, saying so is some of the most useful work we can do. You won't hurt my feelings. You'll help me understand you.
What can I do between sessions?
Most change happens in everyday life, not only in the room. You might:
- Notice moments when an old pattern shows up
- Jot down thoughts, dreams or reactions you want to bring next time
- Try one small thing differently and see what happens
- Make something: a doodle, a few lines of writing, a photo that captures how you feel
Noticing afterwards still counts. Often, that's where the learning begins.
There's no homework you can fail. If between-session tasks feel like pressure, we'll drop them.
How do I prepare for a session?
A few minutes before, pause and ask yourself: what's been on my mind this week?
Some people jot down notes or keep a journal during the week, so they don't have to remember everything in the moment. Others prefer to arrive and see what comes. Either is fine. It's up to you.
For online sessions, find a private space, check your connection, and have water and tissues nearby. Some people like a short walk or some quiet time afterwards, especially after a heavy session.
What if I don't know what to say?
That's very common. "I don't know where to start" is a fine place to begin.
You can also bring notes, a list on your phone or a creative piece. Silence can be useful too. It often makes room for something that matters.
How do I know therapy is working?
Progress is rarely a straight line. Signs include noticing patterns sooner, feeling a little kinder to yourself, recovering more quickly from hard moments, or being able to say what you need.
Sometimes things feel harder before they feel better, as you start to face what you've been carrying. If you're unsure, raise it. Reviewing how it's going is part of the work.
Is it okay to disagree with my therapist?
Yes. A good therapeutic relationship can hold disagreement.
Telling me something didn't land helps me understand you better and adjust how we work. That's repair, and it's part of therapy too.
Frequently asked questions
Should I take notes in therapy?
If it helps you, yes. Many neurodivergent clients find a short written summary, or their own notes, useful for remembering what we covered.
How often should I have therapy?
Weekly sessions usually help build momentum, especially at the start. Some people move to fortnightly later on.
What if I don't click with my therapist?
It's worth saying so. Sometimes the relationship strengthens after that conversation. If not, it's okay to look for someone who's a better fit.
Ready to start?
I'm Yasmin Shaheen-Zaffar, a BACP-accredited counsellor offering online talking and creative counselling to individuals and couples across the UK and internationally. Send me a message via my website to talk about what you're looking for.
Read next: A Short Guide to Therapy: What It Is, Who It's For and How to Start · What Happens in Your First Counselling Session? · How to Choose a Counsellor: 10 Questions to Ask Before You Book · How Do I Know What Support I Need? Resources, Courses, Memberships or One-to-One Therapy